Two Years in Two Weeks
In two weeks I will leave for the biggest journey, commitment, and change in my life thus far and to be honest I’m pretty scared but I know I’m ready.
Recently I have had a lot of people ask me what made me want to join the Peace Corps and I haven’t really had the best answer, but at least I was honest. Before graduation I went to multiple interviews and they all ended up being the same, being a sales person, which is not something I see myself doing AT ALL. But really can you imagine me trying to sell a product I have no interest in… Anyways soon graduation came and went and I was still jobless, but my desire to live in a different country was still constantly on my mind. Honestly I barely knew what the Peace Corps was and I wouldn’t have even looked into it if it wasn’t for my aunt bringing it up during a heart-to-heart at the beach. After doing some research, I was surprised that I had not come across it before. So within two weeks of it being on my radar I quickly filled out an application and didn’t really think anything of it. If I got it that would be great, if I didn’t I would survive. What I didn’t expect was how long the process was- if you are considering applying get comfortable with just sitting back and being clueless. Soon I was so stressed because I didn’t know what I would do if I didn’t get it, I didn’t want to just get an office job I wanted to get out in the world. FINALLY after four months of just chilling and shrugging when people would ask me what I was doing with my life, I got the email that would soon change everything. I remember being so excited and just ready to get out there, sadly my parents did not share the same excitement. In November it felt so far away and that I had plenty of time to get everything done before making the biggest commitment of my life and just taking off for two years.
The easiest way to explain my pre-departure journey is to just put it into the stages of my emotional roller-coaster-excited, stressed, sad, and hopeful. The first month after finding out was filled with so much excitement not only because this was something I had been talking about for months but it also meant I had a set plan. I would actually get joy from bumping into someone I haven’t seen in years, usually I would despise these small interactions and my course of action would be avoid at all cost, because I couldn’t wait for them to ask me what I’m up to and I could casually but confidentially respond with, “oh me? I’m just living life trying to get everything together because I’M JOINING THE PEACE CORPS AND MOVING TO PERU IN APRIL.” Cause honestly how cool is that!?! For the most part I wouldn’t be bumping into anyone that was doing something crazy and amazing with their lives. But soon all the questions became repetitive and honestly the PC doesn’t tell you that much information about where you are going to be and what you are going to be doing so I was pretty clueless.
December brought in all the Christmas spirit along with anxiety attacks and doctors’ visits. I’m pretty sure I was a regular at my doctor’s office just like I had been a regular at Buffingtons during college. I was there at least once a week for either shots, lab results, and loads of paperwork that I didn’t think would ever be completed. Imagine having to go to the doctor, dentist, gyno, and eye doctor all in less than a month and having to get them to fill out all of your medical history. My dentist actually had to measure my teeth….. Anyway with all these deadlines coming up I was a ball of stress and I actually had some high blood pressure problems because of it. Christmas time is already a stressful time with getting everyone gifts and coordinating reunions, so the other stuff was the cherry on top of my anxiety filled sundae. But the day finally came in February when I got the email that I was medically cleared and I was added to a facebook group with other Peru 27ers just like me. Finally somewhere that I can ask questions and it was relieving to see I wasn’t the only clueless one, in fact for the most part we all were. But it also showed me how this unreal experience was in fact really real and that it was quickly approaching- cue the emotions of a pregnant woman.
I’m already a pretty emotional person and actually am really proud of how in touch I am with my emotions but for about a month I was a complete train wreck. It didn’t help that I was constantly doing something either going to a brewery, art show, concert, or just having a girl’s night out. My schedule was completely packed and most of the events included alcohol which can turn the most stable person into a crazy person. I was too busy trying to have the most fun as possible before leaving that I not only didn’t take time for myself to reflect and journal about my emotions but I was wearing myself down. I was so sad about leaving everyone and I put doubts in my head about me being able to do this. I realized that just because I was wasn’t going to be here didn’t mean everyone else’s lives would just stop. That was really hard for me to get over, that I would be missing out on so many things. I didn’t like how I felt about myself and I didn’t like how it made others treat me so while I did have a great time and made some amazing memories, I knew it was time for a change.
I needed to change how I was thinking of this opportunity. I think the transformation from sad to hopeful started with a conversation with my dad. We often talked about if I had everything ready or that I needed to do this and this, but it had been a while since we actually discussed me leaving. Remember my parents weren’t exactly thrilled when I told them I was going to do this, but I knew it was more about them being scared and not wanting to see me go. But that night I could see that he believed in me and it reminded me of all the reasons I wanted to do this in the first place. And since that night I haven’t been sad, well not over the top sad just the reasonable sad, about leaving nor have I really had any major emotions. But I am feeling very hopeful and content about what is going down in two weeks. I know that I am ready to go and they are ready to let me go.
So in the next two weeks I am going to be pretty busy making sure I have everything completed on my final list. I still can’t believe how fast these past few months have flown by, but I am so happy that I got to spend them with everyone that is close to me. I know this isn’t going to be easy but its time and I’m okay with how I am leaving things. Lastly, now when I think about it to me joining the Peace Corps means growing not only for me or everyone I am leaving behind, but also the people I will soon meet. I’m excited to see what these next two years have in store for all of us.
Remember I’m not dying, I’m just moving and I’ll be back. Sometimes you have to remind yourself why you wanted something for you to regain your hope.
its not goodbye, its see you later
xoxo,
chels